"When you talk about masturbation, you may think of it as a sexual activity, but actually masturbation is not inherently sexual.
[Asexuals cite] boredom, stress reduction, helping them to get to sleep, etc., as reasons behind masturbation." Several male asexuals told us they masturbate frequently, some every day, and most used the phrase "cleaning the plumbing" to explain why they do it.
He felt this was a huge flaw in his personality and felt guilty that it may be making me feel unwanted.
Ben suffered with an aching depression as he never saw himself living a “normal” life because who would want him the way he was?
Masturbation doesn't make you sexual, says sex expert Lori Brotto.
Being asexual meant that Ben had no interest in having sex with me. He described watching sexual scenes in films as “Like you would feel after watching someone have their teeth pulled out” and as I felt that cringing grimace, I started to get the asexual mind-set. How would he know what it’s like to have a different sexuality than his own? It makes me happier.” But that the physical reaction simply wasn’t sexual. He could finally pinpoint that confusing part of himself. What a relief to know there’s nothing wrong with him! Asexuality is one of the least talked about pockets of our community, mainly because some asexuals don’t even realise that it’s a thing!
"There's nothing more to it." Luke Bovard, who studies applied math, says he's been "vaguely aware" of his asexuality since his early adolescence.
As a bi-and-proud woman, people never fully get my sexuality. OK, it was slightly insulting when he flinched if I went to hug him, but if he was in the mood for cuddles he would instigate it. “Do I have to choose between having sex and being alone?
Ben believed it was down to a go-karting accident at 8 years old as to why he couldn’t... So I asked him how he felt about sex in his mind, not his body. He felt compelled to be around me and, in his words, “I like to look at you. Sleeping in the same bed took him a while to get used to and I’d often wake up to an empty bed and a text saying “Had to go to work” when he later admitted that he just couldn’t sleep that close to someone… “Like someone with arachnophobia having to hold a spider in his palms for 7 hours” he explained to me. Physical contact and intimacy for an asexual must be on their terms. Waking up with someone - that intimate companionship - is the emotional side of love. He was more than happy in our “Couple bubble” with our inside jokes and secret looks. To him, asexuality was the absence of sexual desire, not the revulsion of it. But I refused to agree to exclusivity as I couldn’t imagine myself in a sexless relationship forever. It’s easier to blame a go karting accident than label yourself as different, but on the inside, he was relieved.
Not even holding hands for that matter (I tried once and he frowned furiously until I stopped) but when I finally asked him, Ben said he did have an attraction to me. I was one step up from a friend and, for him that was very intimate. Eventually we did sleep in the same bed, just no touching, and Ben said he loved that. We loved every minute of each other’s company, and spent every spare moment we could together. They Feel Guilty (But Shouldn’t) Ben and I would sit for hours and demolish bottle after bottle of red wine into the late hours, laughing so hard my chest ached. He didn’t find the idea of sex disgusting or revolting. Removing sex from a relationship made us bond, very fast, and within 2 months I couldn’t remember not having him in my life. Ben still doesn’t talk about his asexuality, as he doesn’t know anyone else like him.
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