We have added a voting-system throughout the site which allows simple thumbs-up-thumbs-down voting of the quotes. The biggest number to the left represents the absolute number of positive votes a one-liner got.
By voting you help us find the best jokes, quotes and one-liners. The little numbers to the right of the thumbs represent the number of positive/negative votes a one-liner got.
If you have the feeling our database is missing some good material you are welcome to send it to us with the one-liner submit form.
We are looking for all sorts of one-liners, quotes, sayings, proverbs, jokes and even puns, T-shirt one-liners and bumper stickers. To compile the TOP 100 funny one-liners we need your help. The vote-box contains a few numbers, a thumbs-up button and a thumbs-down button.
Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription. Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company. Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. Husbands and boyfriends are the best people to share secrets with… Plastic surgery is the work-out routine for the rich. Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally. Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor, and it rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn't amused, but he did say "You cracked me Up." Life is not a fairy tale. My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can't tell if the situation sucks or not. "The problem with quotes from the Internet, is that you can never truly verify their authenticity." -Abraham Lincoln If it's the thought that counts, think money. Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast. Just like everyone else." -Margaret Mead "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -Isaac Asimov "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." -W. Auden "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
Men need not apply just the ladies thank you I'm an actual lesbian not the fake one you see in porns you the ones that are actually straight and get paid to act like me I'm from lesbos I only come in peace If there's a line of gay people, is it still a straight line? "Instead of 'Gay friends' can we say 'Homiesexuals'? And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way,not understanding what you've said at all,or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.-St.
The obvious first step is to think about the kind of match you want.
Focus on the less superficial stuff, not how tall or suave or sexy you want your prospect to be.
Then you need to combine that thought with something about who you are. If that advice doesn’t work and you’re still drawing a complete blank, you have three choices: Some sites automatically use the first few words of your essay to generate your tagline. This tagline isn’t horrible, and it won’t injure anyone, but that tagline won’t excite anyone either.
This feature can cause some serious embarrassment if you aren’t careful (see the section “Checking how your tagline gets displayed” for the scoop). For example, say that you started your essay like 50 percent of all postings: “I’m youthful, spirited, happy, healthy . The first purpose of a tagline is to quickly say something about yourself that invites a person to look further. But what if you’re not a skydiver and not even interested in being one? A funny line can be a great icebreaker, and you don’t have to be particularly funny to write funny.
I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.